Archive for April, 2005

Take My Couch!

Monday, April 11th, 2005

I need to get rid of 4 couches. And no one is taking them.
Tried donating them to the Salvation Army, but they have suspended their pickup service indefinitely.
(Maybe they got wise to the fact that we all use them to help us move.)
Goodwill is apparently not in the business of picking up furniture. So that’s when I start getting desperate.

I decide to go outside my own religion in search of some place that will take my furniture. I call the Catholic Charities. Nothing. Then I decide that maybe I should leave God out of it. I try the Center for the Blind (or something like that).
They said “of course we would be happy to take your couches”. But first they would have to send me some information via email. The email arrives a while later and says that I must take some digital photographs of said couches, and email them back to the Blind Place.
The Blind Place would then try to auction the furniture on Ebay. Once they eventually sold the items, they would come and pick them up from my place. What kind of process is that?? I’m in a hurry. These people need to streamline the donation system. No wonder people are still blind…

So I move on to phoning the Jewish Center.
You have to leave a message on the Center’s voicemail, describing the items that you would like to donate. If they are interested they will call you back within 15 minutes.
But this is making me crazy. I left a message. I think. I mean, I can’t remember if I did actually hear a beep. Do you think they got my message? What if they were totally interested but couldn’t understand my number when I said it. Maybe they want to call back but now they can’t. I think I should leave another message. Maybe I should leave a message asking them to give me a call and confirm that they got my original message.
Do you think that they want the free furniture but don’t want to call my long-distance cell phone number? It’s stuff like this that makes Jews so neurotic…

Greedy Casey Jones

Monday, April 11th, 2005

I was just talking to my friend Jim, who works for the railroad.
Well, he doesn’t actually work for the railroad, he sells train cars to railroads.

I do like Jim, but as a rule, I don’t think I like railroad car salesmen.
Have you ever been sitting in your car, waiting for what feels like an hour at a train crossing, and thought to yourself “ya know, there should be more cars in this train”?

Those damn railroad car salespeople. What is their ultimate goal?
I’m sure they just want to sell as many railroad cars as possible.
But you can only have so many.
I bet they won’t be happy until there is just one long train, stretching from one coast to the other, not even able to move anywhere.
You want to go West? You’ll have to walk through each car door until you get to California…