Toto Lied


I wish I could think of more people to blame, but I guess I can only blame myself.
What was I thinking? Me, the guy who tries to take two warm showers per day. The one who bitched about Upstate NY being too wildernessy. I don’t stay in homeless shelters for fun. I don’t fly in things that aren’t jumbo jets. I don’t spend my nights camping beneath the stars. And I definitely do not like being bitten by tiny bugs (even when they aren’t malaria-stricken). Sure, I don’t like to talk on the phone or stand in line at the post office, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend a month of my life in a country that has neither.

Madonna thought it was a good place to get a baby.
Angelina thought it was a good place to have a baby.
And Toto wrote that song.

They made Africa sound so glamorous, and totally hummable.
Because of their blatant deceit, I am now forced to expose the truth about This Land in three verses (sorry, no chorus):

No Electricity.
No Internet.
No Water.

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “that’s not a very good song. I can’t hum it. I can’t sing it.” Well, it might not be good as a song, but it’s even worse as a birthday/vacation.

Oh, and the other truth that I was unable to work into that jam… It’s so hard to stay in touch with anyone in a place like this.
And even as I typed that last sentence, I found a new reason to dislike Liberia. Forgive me, as I’m about to nerd this all up. Back where I said “it’s so hard to stay in touch with anyone in a place like this”, I had intended to hyperlink the word “anyone” (as I didn’t really mean Anyone, I meant Someone), but I was unable to hyperlink due to this funky internet connection. Sorry to clutter this all up with what should have been the behind-the-scenes details. Anyway, if you still care, you can physically type http://www.evilqueenmagda.com into your browser and delight in the results.

3 Responses to “Toto Lied”

  1. Magdalena says:

    Thank you for putting that Toto song in my head. My work day is already such a joy.

    And I like how the internet is ranked ahead of water.

  2. Jeremy says:

    preceeded@swoops.magnifying” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info!!…

  3. Francis says:

    cemal@endangering.examining” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info….