Archive for July, 2007

damn you, NASA.

Monday, July 23rd, 2007

in addition to my regular paranoia, now i have to worry about a half-ton refrigeration unit landing on my head.

NASA is trying to calm my nerves, but i’m not buying it.

“Most space junk burns up in the atmosphere without ever reaching the ground. Occasionally, parts of larger objects survive re-entry, though most of it falls harmlessly into the ocean or onto unpopulated land. NASA knows of only one person ever hit by space junk — a woman in Oklahoma who felt a tap on the shoulder from a piece of rocket insulation, wafting to the ground.

The EAS may be large enough for parts to reach Earth, though NASA said it’s not terribly concerned.”

giving thanks

Friday, July 13th, 2007

i’m thankful that in the past few years, no one has said to me “you are so money and you don’t even know it”. although i am concerned that the reason i haven’t been told that is not because the expression is now terribly uncool but rather because i am.
sort of related to this… i would like to start saying “no big woop” again.

i would put something clever here but my phone keeps buzzing and distracting me, so we are left with this for the title.

Friday, July 6th, 2007

two nights ago, i dreamt that i went on an audition for a hosting gig (you know, one of those television jobs usually performed by Bob Barker or Ryan Seacrest or Mark McGrath).

the audition was being held at a YMCA-type indoor public pool. it was an L-shaped pool. seems ridiculous to have an Olympic-size L-shaped pool, but whatever.

i was sitting in the waiting area (around the corner, at the small side of the L) and was forgotten about. i waited, most of the day, to be called for my audition.

finally, i realized that they forgot i was there. i walked around the corner and noticed that the casting director was frolicking in the water on the long side of the L-shaped pool. he quickly apologized for not noticing me sooner, and invited me to audition.

i moved my lips to speak, hoping to drop some cleverosity on him, but no words came out of my mouth. my cheeks started flapping as if i were trying to carry on a conversation whilst skydiving.

it was a very depressing, emasculating dream. i felt powerless. sort of like those self-defense dreams i often have where i’m being attacked and i try to strike back but i can’t make a fist and i’m flailing at my assailant but my hands aren’t affecting him. or when i’m trying to shoot my attacker but the hammer of the pistol is just clicking on an empty chamber as my enemy advances toward me.

i tried to show the casting director that i was funny and clever but all i could do was flap my cheeks and make a faint whistling sound.

i wish there was more to this story. that hardly serves as a compelling tale. but i guess that’s how dreams go- there is a definite beginning, middle, and then you just wake up.

oh, like last night…

i dreamt that i was contracted to kill some girl i knew from grade school. i don’t want to say her name but i will tell you that she was the one who dipped her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her milk. if you were one of the seven other kids in my class, you know exactly who i’m talking about. ok, so i attempted to carry out the hit by stuffing a large blanket in her mouth while she slept. but then i started to feel bad (you know, about killing someone or whatever), and so i yanked the blanket back out of her mouth. i’m happy to report that she survived the partial attack. but man, was she ever pissed at me.