matt oliver gives badlove

A friend moved from NYC to LA around the same time I did, and he has never been happier. LA has been good to him- more money, more opportunities, etc.

For me, it has always been exactly the opposite. LA has always been like that girl who doesn’t want to date me. She’s polite, but never offers more than that. She doesn’t laugh at any of my jokes, she doesn’t miss me when I’m gone. She never buys me dinner or offers to pay for anything. I go to her beach, and she kicks sand in my Blackberry. She constantly makes me work hard but gives me nothing in return.

Why can’t I take a hint?

LA, your general disdain is driving me wild.

after six years of living in NYC, i recently returned to my Hollywood storage unit to examine what i had left behind. i realized that, since 2001, i had been paying $60 each month to keep the sorts of things that you store when you think you’ll only be gone for one month.

here’s what i had been saving:

five slivers of Dove soap.
half a bottle of spf 30 sunblock.
a rolled-up tube of toothpaste. with baking soda.
various other items from under my bathroom sink.
an old television that i bought for 50 bucks in 1996 when i was super broke.
t-shirts from radio stations i worked at ten years ago (those jobs would be the reason i was super broke).
one spare tire for a mountain bike i haven’t seen since college.
a warped pool cue.
an old pair of wool socks.
1200 empty jewel cases for cds that i now keep in cd books.

yesterday, i threw it all in the dumpster.
that was a nice use of my $4,320.