Archive for the ‘Los Angeles screwed me again’ Category

and this should cheer you up… not my words, but it’s how i felt in LA.

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

-Stevie Smith

while we’re on the subject… another reason i left LA.

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

i still haven’t figured out what i am supposed to be doing with my life, but i am quickly building a detailed list of things i cannot do.

i tried improv classes a few weeks ago. apparently, i’m not that kind of funny. i can’t stand on a stage and pretend that i’m flying a spaceship whilst making zany ray-gun noises with my mouth.

earlier in the summer, i tried to muster a “can do” spirit while simultaneously regressing drastically by taking a job answering the telephone at a local radio station. it’s a job that i wouldn’t have bothered to do even when i was starting in radio ten years ago. so i can’t remember how long i lasted at that new job, maybe a couple weeks, but i know i gave my notice the first day.

i might have to use the "B" word for this one

Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

A friend moved from NYC to LA around the same time I did, and he has never been happier. LA has been good to him- more money, more opportunities, etc.

For me, it has always been exactly the opposite. LA has always been like that girl who doesn’t want to date me. She’s polite, but never offers more than that. She doesn’t laugh at any of my jokes, she doesn’t miss me when I’m gone. She never buys me dinner or offers to pay for anything. I go to her beach, and she kicks sand in my Blackberry. She constantly makes me work hard but gives me nothing in return.

Why can’t I take a hint?

LA, your general disdain is driving me wild.

packrat tax- $4,320.00

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

after six years of living in NYC, i recently returned to my Hollywood storage unit to examine what i had left behind. i realized that, since 2001, i had been paying $60 each month to keep the sorts of things that you store when you think you’ll only be gone for one month.

here’s what i had been saving:

five slivers of Dove soap.
half a bottle of spf 30 sunblock.
a rolled-up tube of toothpaste. with baking soda.
various other items from under my bathroom sink.
an old television that i bought for 50 bucks in 1996 when i was super broke.
t-shirts from radio stations i worked at ten years ago (those jobs would be the reason i was super broke).
one spare tire for a mountain bike i haven’t seen since college.
a warped pool cue.
an old pair of wool socks.
1200 empty jewel cases for cds that i now keep in cd books.

yesterday, i threw it all in the dumpster.
that was a nice use of my $4,320.