Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

new blog is at mattoliver.net

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

if you’re wondering why it’s been so quiet here…  all of my new stuff is at www.mattoliver.net.  see you there.

The Importance of Being Important

Monday, April 21st, 2008

 

wedding reception

This is the new look I’m trying out for the spring. I call it “wedding reception”. I want to always look like I went to a wedding, and then got drunk and started dancing at the reception and lost my jacket and untied my bowtie and rolled up my sleeves. Only thing is that I won’t be coming from a wedding, I’m gonna start my day looking like this. So I guess this means I can’t leave my house until late afternoon.

i think it’s really awesome…

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

when you write someone a personal message and their response is just a link to their blog.

also, i think it’s great that pedestrians don’t stay to the right when they walk down a sidewalk. act like a car, people. when you’re going to make a left turn to go into a shop and i’m walking in the opposite direction toward you, let me pass first and then make your turn. don’t cut a diagonal swath across the sidewalk toward the shop entrance as i am approaching you because that forces me to do two things. 1. it forces me to veer to my left into the approaching lane of pedestrian traffic, thereby becoming one of them. 2. it makes me late for the concert that i am supposed to be getting ready for, but i can’t because i have to write these instructions for people who don’t know how to walk down a sidewalk.

sometimes i lisp when i doth protest

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

i like it when people who hate blogs start blogging.

why didn’t you think of that?

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

sometimes i use toilet paper to blow my nose when i can’t find any tissues.
i can always find toilet paper, because it’s permanently mounted in the bathroom.

my invention-
toilet paper brackets for the walls throughout the rest of my house.

to ER is human

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007

you know when you are crying, but it’s on the inside, people console you and stuff?
but when you are bleeding, but it’s on the inside, then people say that you have internal bleeding and they rush you to a hospital.

Random late night Wikipediaings

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

in lieu of counting sheep, i wikipedia the random things i’m wondering about whilst waiting to fall asleep each night.

here are my nightly queries for the last two and a half weeks:

what’s the deal with cowlicks?
does the FCC let you say “wtf” on the radio?
How old is Justin Timberlake? (I wanted to see how little I’ve done in my life versus this successful child.)
Origin of tables and chairs.
Bear Grylls’ bio.
The expression “have some hair from the tail of the dog that bit you”.
Crime scene cleanups
“come and get your love” lyrics.
Law of diminishing returns.
Capital of Rwanda.
How to opt out of junk mail.
Climbs Everest with a guide (I was trying to remember the word “sherpa”)
Where to buy “save water, shower with a friend” bumper stickers.
Little Black Sambo.
What was Sophie’s choice?
Geo tracker standard colors.
The many children of Rod Stewart.
What ever happened to Baby Jessica?

you gotta have dreams

Sunday, March 11th, 2007

i just had a dream about Andy Richter. we were standing around bullshitting, at a craft service table. he was complaining about trying to live on only a couple million dollars a year, now that his career has slowed down a little. i, of couse, consoled him. i promised that he would soon find another “star vehicle” and his career would return to its former glory.

anyway, i quite dislike Africa, where there is no television outside of my dreams. i awoke to slap bugs off my skin.

Driving in Liberia

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

imagine a nation full of traffic merging and weaving like they’re leaving the stadium parking lot after a Dodger game…

one sweet day

Friday, July 8th, 2005

I’m gonna write something soon. But not now.

In the meantime, you should read Magda’s stuff.