Random late night Wikipediaings

August 1st, 2007

in lieu of counting sheep, i wikipedia the random things i’m wondering about whilst waiting to fall asleep each night.

here are my nightly queries for the last two and a half weeks:

what’s the deal with cowlicks?
does the FCC let you say “wtf” on the radio?
How old is Justin Timberlake? (I wanted to see how little I’ve done in my life versus this successful child.)
Origin of tables and chairs.
Bear Grylls’ bio.
The expression “have some hair from the tail of the dog that bit you”.
Crime scene cleanups
“come and get your love” lyrics.
Law of diminishing returns.
Capital of Rwanda.
How to opt out of junk mail.
Climbs Everest with a guide (I was trying to remember the word “sherpa”)
Where to buy “save water, shower with a friend” bumper stickers.
Little Black Sambo.
What was Sophie’s choice?
Geo tracker standard colors.
The many children of Rod Stewart.
What ever happened to Baby Jessica?

damn you, NASA.

July 23rd, 2007

in addition to my regular paranoia, now i have to worry about a half-ton refrigeration unit landing on my head.

NASA is trying to calm my nerves, but i’m not buying it.

“Most space junk burns up in the atmosphere without ever reaching the ground. Occasionally, parts of larger objects survive re-entry, though most of it falls harmlessly into the ocean or onto unpopulated land. NASA knows of only one person ever hit by space junk — a woman in Oklahoma who felt a tap on the shoulder from a piece of rocket insulation, wafting to the ground.

The EAS may be large enough for parts to reach Earth, though NASA said it’s not terribly concerned.”

giving thanks

July 13th, 2007

i’m thankful that in the past few years, no one has said to me “you are so money and you don’t even know it”. although i am concerned that the reason i haven’t been told that is not because the expression is now terribly uncool but rather because i am.
sort of related to this… i would like to start saying “no big woop” again.

i would put something clever here but my phone keeps buzzing and distracting me, so we are left with this for the title.

July 6th, 2007

two nights ago, i dreamt that i went on an audition for a hosting gig (you know, one of those television jobs usually performed by Bob Barker or Ryan Seacrest or Mark McGrath).

the audition was being held at a YMCA-type indoor public pool. it was an L-shaped pool. seems ridiculous to have an Olympic-size L-shaped pool, but whatever.

i was sitting in the waiting area (around the corner, at the small side of the L) and was forgotten about. i waited, most of the day, to be called for my audition.

finally, i realized that they forgot i was there. i walked around the corner and noticed that the casting director was frolicking in the water on the long side of the L-shaped pool. he quickly apologized for not noticing me sooner, and invited me to audition.

i moved my lips to speak, hoping to drop some cleverosity on him, but no words came out of my mouth. my cheeks started flapping as if i were trying to carry on a conversation whilst skydiving.

it was a very depressing, emasculating dream. i felt powerless. sort of like those self-defense dreams i often have where i’m being attacked and i try to strike back but i can’t make a fist and i’m flailing at my assailant but my hands aren’t affecting him. or when i’m trying to shoot my attacker but the hammer of the pistol is just clicking on an empty chamber as my enemy advances toward me.

i tried to show the casting director that i was funny and clever but all i could do was flap my cheeks and make a faint whistling sound.

i wish there was more to this story. that hardly serves as a compelling tale. but i guess that’s how dreams go- there is a definite beginning, middle, and then you just wake up.

oh, like last night…

i dreamt that i was contracted to kill some girl i knew from grade school. i don’t want to say her name but i will tell you that she was the one who dipped her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her milk. if you were one of the seven other kids in my class, you know exactly who i’m talking about. ok, so i attempted to carry out the hit by stuffing a large blanket in her mouth while she slept. but then i started to feel bad (you know, about killing someone or whatever), and so i yanked the blanket back out of her mouth. i’m happy to report that she survived the partial attack. but man, was she ever pissed at me.

bathroom scrawl

June 25th, 2007

this could be great. let’s get it going…
BATHROOM SCRAWL

notes from africa

June 18th, 2007

i’ve dedicated this morning to catching up… i went to Africa for the month of March, but the internet connection and electricity was so bad, i actually had to keep a paper blog. today, i have transferred a few of those notes to my blog, in the proper places.

if you’re looking for travel tips, or just wondering why my arm is still itchy, check out the March and April postings.

and pics from Africa are here. enjoy!

Bam!

May 31st, 2007

can i just put this link here and let you download my first podcast?
because that’s what i want to do. i’m too lazy to type at you right now.

the podcasts will get better. this is just the beginning.
right click and delight in some nice music from Ima Robot, Cursive, Alice Cooper, and more!

PodOne

i was supposed to do this yesterday. actually, i was supposed to do this one month ago. whatever.

May 4th, 2007


yesterday, i was passed a torch.

three minutes have passed since i typed that previous sentence. i’ve been sitting here, trying to figure out where i could go with that metaphor. i think perhaps i should just get on with it. so here we go.

dammit, i got distracted again. first, i was trying to think of torch metaphors without sounding like Harvey Firestein. when i finally decided to get on with it, i remembered that i should make a salad. i decided that it should be the perfect salad. it was. nevermind that it came from a bag. my other options included a trip to KFC, so i think i did pretty good opting for a bag salad.

ok, now i’m back and ready to focus on the task at hand.

it goes a little something like this:

1. I will write 10 “interesting” things about myself.

2. I’ll tag one person because my tagger only tagged one person although i guess if you follow tagging convention you should tag 10 of your friends. but i shan’t be doing that.

3. If you’ve been tagged, you do your own list and tag more people. (Unless you don’t want to, and no one has been pressuring you to make a new blog entry for, like, eight months.)

My Facts:

1. i smell the milk in the carton prior to every use. yes, prior to EVERY use. let’s say i have a bowl of cereal, and then i go back for seconds. i will smell that milk in the carton before splashing it all over my second helping. people, i’m not taking any chances.
2. i’ve been trying to delete some of my myspace friends but i am scared of confrontation (both verbal and physical). basically, i’ve been deleting people who can’t call/write me and those who were born with smaller biceps than me. (i’ve been having some trouble finding any who fall into the latter category.)
3. i dropped out of college after three and a half years. i blame the Spanish. and their tricky language.
4. i’m afraid to fly.
5. i enjoy creating to-do lists of chores that have already been completed. it is very satisfying to check off a bunch of tasks at once. makes me feel very productive.
6. i like the smell of skunks. not enough to warrant placing it at number 6 on a list of 10 things about me, but the window is open right now and i can smell a skunk and i sort of like it and i totally lack focus and sometimes that forces me off on a tangent. this wine is delicious. it is sort of strange that $8 wine would be from a winemaker’s “private selection”. what do they do with their “public selection”? use it to clean automobile engines? sterilize veterinary instruments?
7. in college, i had a job selling “swamp cooler” air conditioners via telephone. i guess they are large contraptions that sit on your roof. i’m not sure. i believe i had that job for a month or two… impressive, since i never sold anything.
8. Arrested Development was the best television show ever made. that being said, i’m a big fan of the concept of television (watching people interact with each other without them being able to interact with you, and viewing images of far away lands and the goings ons there without having to take a bumpy plane ride) and will watch anything. except Little House on the Prairie.
9. when someone says “call me at 9:30 thursday morning”, i will email them at 9:30 on thursday morning. if they give me a telephone number and instruct me to use it to call them, i will send them a text message. i do not like talking to people, or rather, i do not like when people interrupt me as i am talking to them. i do enjoy speaking on the radio, as i can jam a run-on sentence into the ear of the listener without any unnecessary feedback.
10. as i mentioned earlier, i have a short attention span and have a difficult time focusing and buckling down. as i am trying to think of the 10th thing about me, i am getting distracted by the word “buckling”. it doesn’t look right. this happens to me a lot. i start looking at a word and it starts looking back at me and contorting itself or something and then i start to wonder if my ability to spell has atrophied, along with my handwriting, with the advent of the computer. also, i can’t punctuate properly and i never capitalize and i don’t remember when i’m supposed to use a semi-colon. now that i think about it, i haven’t used a semi-colon since high school. so did i just make a number ten? i think i did.

Tag, you’re it: Karl Rothenberger.

Hooooooo Could Be Now?

April 24th, 2007

if you haven’t gotten anything for that special lady out at the front desk, you better hurry.
Administrative Assistants Day is just two hours away. most ladies would prefer a pewter hoot owl for their neck, although i think some will settle for a lovely bouquet or one of those over-sized cards that won’t fit in the mailbox and so you have to hand deliver them.

out of Africa

April 3rd, 2007

here’s a quick visual update on my life here in London.
oh, and i’ll include one from Monrovia for reference.